Coparenting with a father who spanks.

TLDR: my kids’ dad, who has 50% custody, spanks them constantly. I don’t know what to do.

Using an old account for this because I am so ashamed of it but I don’t know what to do.

I was a teen mom, and so entered into this whole parenting thing pretty blind, as did my ex — but I’ve done my best to learn and educate myself and do what’s right for my kids. I don’t yell, I don’t hit, I try to use natural consequences wherever possible and help them process their emotions in a healthy way.

My ex was raised in a super strict household and seems to think that “if it worked for him, it’ll work for them!” (It didn’t work for you, buddy, you turned into a mess of a teen dad, but okay). His method of discipline is one warning and then flipping them over and spanking them – and not lightly.

Ultimately, his whole “parenting” (if you can call it that) method was a huge reason for our split, though we tried to make it work for way longer than we should. We’ve been separated for a while now, but now the situation is even worse because I have no oversight when it’s his time. I feel like everything I’m trying to do with my kids is just undone over at his house and I’m afraid they’re going to be traumatized. They probably already are. They also don’t listen to me because the consequences I deliver pale in comparison to being flipped over their dad’s knee and smacked, so I’m dealing with discipline issues as well as all of the issues that stem from them being hit all the time.

I’ve tried to talk to him so many times to no avail. He actually gets mad at me for not spanking them. I want to fight him for full custody, but I’ve talked to lawyers and they said that he’s not breaking the law so all I’ll likely do is sour the relationship further and make it a hostile coparenting situation.

I’m so lost and feel like my kids are being harmed and I’m helpless to stop it. Please help.

For context, our kids are 7, 4, and 2.