Got told I'm at fault for not detransitioning

Okay, so I've tried to give my father's side of the family a chance. My grandmother mentioned how she was upset I had to work and could not come to family christmas. I told her I wasn't coming either way, and when she asked why not, I told her because they did not want me there. She told me they did want me there and didn't understand why I thought I wasn't invited. I mentioned how she texted me. Telling me if I did not cut my hair short and dress in only men's clothing, and make sure to show up without any makeup on or my nails not done, I cannot come to family gatherings. And within her texting me that I've come to terms with the fact that she does not want me over but that She wants a version of me, that she pretends I am in her head. She responded with no, we do want you over. You're always welcome, and we're not pretending your someone else, your pretending by playing dress up and should be okay with the way God made you, and Then said it's my fault for not coming over, and that I actively choose it's to be barred from family gatherings because I refuse to detransition, and let my mother instill craziness in my head that it's okay to be who I want. They always try to turn things around on me, and I just don't see how IM the one actively choosing not to be involved when Ive tried and they are the ones putting stipulations on me coming over or being around the family.