“We won’t tell the other vegans”

I’m getting awfully sick of hearing this sentiment where I work. Now, don’t get me wrong, I adore my coworkers, warts and all. They are usually extremely respectful of me, they ask questions without getting defensive, and they go out of their way to include me in food-based activities.

But sometimes I slip up and say something like “Wow, that pizza smells good,” or “Man, I miss Camembert,” they always have the same response: “Go ahead! Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone. We won’t call up the other vegans and tell them you ate cheese.” Like that suddenly makes it okay. Like as long as it’s a secret, that makes it ethical. I used to explain why I will absolutely not “go ahead,” but lately I’ve given up. I don’t understand how they ask questions about the philosophy I follow, seemingly take it in, and still don’t seem to understand that I am vegan both in public and in private. Or that I despise the exploitation of animals more than I like the flavor of Camembert.

In all other areas, they don’t push my boundaries or encourage unethical choices. The cynic in me believes that they encourage me to cave because it might make them feel better about their own choices. They know the industries they participate in are wrong, so they are experiencing cognitive dissonance. If the office vegan eats dairy, it means it’s okay for them to eat dairy, too. The “assume positive intent” side of me believes they’re saying it because they want me to be happy. They believe if pizza would make me happy, then I should indulge in it. They don’t see the harm, they only see the benefit.

Either way, I wish they would understand that I am never ever going to cave. I will not compromise my ethics for a stupid slice of pizza.

Edit: Thank you to the folks who helped me see things from my coworkers’ perspectives. If we’re having a conversation about the pizza that was provided for lunch, and I say it smells good, accident or not it still sends a mixed message. I will do better with my part of the conversation around them. To be clear, I have never lusted over animal products around them, because I do not lust over nor drool over them. I do not stand around and, apropos of nothing, say how much I love animal products and wish I could have them.

This was a rant. I got annoyed and vented. I don’t hate my coworkers. I said it in the original post, but I’ll say it again. I adore them. They’ve been welcoming and curious, and I consider myself very lucky. Nobody’s perfect, and that’s okay. It’s not that big a deal. Thank you again to the people who reminded me of these lovely folks’ point of view.