Anyone else not a fan of Christmas?

Christmas is always a rough time of year for me growing up. My brother and sister always got everything they ever wanted but me no I never got anything on my list. I know I sound ungrateful but I said again and again to my parents I’m good if you guys just don’t get me anything, just save the money you guys do enough for us But honestly, now that I’m grown up looking back on it it’s hard. I grew a lot of insecurities from it reason, being as I felt like it was a reminder, my parents had no idea who I was or even tried to get to know who I was. They just give gifts and give a guess Literally never got anything. I wanted ever look over my brother and sister and they’re just opening everything on their list it sucks honestly now in an adult. I’m a dad too, which is cool because I gotta make sure my kids never go through that but a part of me feels really sad this Christmas because I realize that I’m never gonna get the Christmas I always wanted being the provider in the house and the leader of the family. It’s just up to me now being a man. It’s really hard. I’m not gonna lie. It sucks sometimes being the oldest kid sucks sometimes too anyways thanks for listening to my bullshit.