Is just the thought of playing games online competitively an absolute nightmare to anyone else?

Or just me? Lifelong gamer here his latter 30s. I was just thinking about how the idea of playing games online in a competitive setting is one of my actual top fears 😨 even though I don't even play competitive modes - and I'm not talking about playing at the highest level in major tournaments for big money even, just literal competitive modes with randoms... think Overwatch or Marvel Rivals, or maybe one of the MOBAs (league of legends or DOTA, neither of which I even play).

People are so horrible to each other in those games. I watch other streamers play competitive modes, and I get second hand fear/anxiety because I know there's like a 99% chance someone is going to be a total jerk, or be super passive aggressive. As soon as the team loses one match or round, everyone is looking towards teammates to assess blame. "You're trash, switch to another character", or "we lost because of (insert player name)! That kinda stuff gets spewed constantly in online competitive games. It seems like everyone playing is miserable and is angry at everyone else. A bunch of miserable people treating each other miserably. They can't just accept a loss, they have to try and blame a specific person or the rest of the team every time. They can't just say nothing and go on to the next match. Losing is apparently unacceptable to a point where they lash out every time they don't win.

I would never even play competitively, so I don't even know why I have such a fear of it - no one ever said fears were rational! But I've actually had nightmares where I find myself playing some game online in a competitive multiplayer match, and my team or one teammate is raging/yelling at me, or I'm simply playing like butt and feel horrible for letting everyone down. OOF, the thought of that is awful, but then millions of people willingly participate in such matches every day.

And to be fair, there's plenty of that vitriol/toxicity in non-competitive online games/quick play modes as well, so it's not just in competitive, but at least most games now give you the option to disable all voice and text chat from other people, this has made me a much happier person. Even so, I still get really nervous just playing in quick play modes! I can't help it, I'm just a fearful/anxious kind of person. I guess I should not play games that make me that anxious.

But I'm curious if anyone else feels the same and hoping it's not just me (which it could be, I realize it's somewhat ridiculous, I just can't stand mean people).