pls help a skinny girl out here

To start, I’m 25F, weigh about 101lbs on a good day and am fucking sick of it. I want to have nice legs and arms and a toned stomach (& a big ol’ phatty obvi). And overall just feel better about myself. I have tried going to the gym several times and somehow get even more discouraged than the last. I want to be someone that works out all the time, uses it for therapy, etc. but I cannot make myself go and get over gym anxiety. I know there’s apps, and TikTok videos, my bf even taught me some stuff when I went with him one time on a whim, and still I’m frozen about it. I enjoy running (not on a treadmill), but even then I get conscious about doing it. I also go through spurts of wanting to cook everything at home and then make nothing at home, for months at a time. What the hell do I even eat to gain good weight?